Finished up TADC draft.

content/posts/tadc.md

@@ -30,7 +30,7 @@ Anyways, sorry, now that that's done, let's actually get right into the.... post
 
 ### Jax is not unusual. 
 
-**Jax is not only one version of the trans experience, but is absolutely, positively a semi-common experience, especially in certain parts of the US.**
+**Jax is not only one version of the trans experience, but is absolutely, positively a valid, not uncommon experience, especially in certain parts of the US.**
 
 Let's just put this out there right now - the trans experience is not always a completely positive, happy experience. For many people, it's wrought with hellish internal (and sometimes external) torture, frought with having to not only come to terms with yourself, but with everything you have ever known about yourself, the human experience, and the world as a whole. The trans experience, for many people, is absolutely fucking _earth shattering_. So it's absolutely no surprise that one might choose to handle this internal mental torture poorly. 
 
@@ -59,8 +59,38 @@ I want you to take a trip with me mentally. Really put yourself into the mindset
 
 Good. 
 
+---
+
 You're someone who has been raised in a society where the idea of being a gender that you were not born as is not only unusual, but is actively looked down upon, stigmatized, even considered to be one of the worst things one can do to oneself. Depsite all that, you realize, over time - you've never really been normal. You've always not exactly felt like the boy you were born as. You think about it. You research it. You realize - this... this "transgender" thing. This feels like me. Or, at the very least, something like this feels like you. 
 
+Now, here's the issue with that - your parents recently got a divorce. You stayed with your mom, because you feel more comfortable with her, like you can relate with her more, but all she does is treat you like you're an extension of your father. She can't see anything but your father in you. Every single thing you do, it's related to your father. Every action, your father. Every mistake, your father. You look like your father. You're growing like your father. You have your FATHER'S EYES. **EVERYTHING IS YOUR FATHER**. 
+
+You finally decide that... you want to tell your mother about you. About.... how you feel. You approach her during one of her calmer times. You're shaking. You're so fucking nervous. You start telling her "Hey, mom... I... I think... I feel more like a girl inside..... I want to be a girl...."
+
+She laughs at you. 
+
+# SHE LAUGHS AT YOU. 
+
+### SHE FUCKING LAUGHED AT YOU.
+
+Your own **FUCKING** mother, THE **PERSON** YOU WERE _SUPPOSED_ TO **FUCKING TRUST**, who was SUPPOSED TO KEEP YOU SAFE, **FUCKING LISTEN TO YOU**, JUST FUCKING LAUGHED AT YOU. 
+
+She tries to hug you. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT? WHY IS SHE **FUCKING HUGGING ME**? SHE JUST FUCKING LAUGHED AT ME. _FUCK HER_. 
+
+you push her back. maybe a bit too far, but. your mind is not functioning properly right now. all you can think is how **SHE FUCKING LAUGHED AT YOU**. 
+
+you tell yourself you will never fucking expose yourself to this kind of ridicule ever again. 
+
+---
+
+Jax is an asshole out of internally developed and determined self-preservation. She refuses to expose herself to any sort of possible ridicule, such as what happened with her mother, ever again. This is a shockingly common coping mechanism, not just among queer people, but among people in general, especially neurodivergent people. 
+
+Maybe a bit of a hot take: There is nothing wrong with this. Society is a fuck. Society finds joy in punching down. They enjoy it. Trans people are not only a joke, they are a scapegoat, they are a punchline, they are a way to rile up an entire political class. Trans people, in society's eyes, exist solely for their entertainment and use. How the fuck are we supposed to act? 
+
+Over the years, I myself developed the asshole reflex. Beyond what I mentioned above. Granted, not to the point of Jax, but it was a method for me to prevent any sort of assholery from entering my sphere of influence. If a person showed even a *hint* of -phobia, it was an immediate lashing out, directed at them. It was a safety mechanism. It was how I kept myself, and those around me in those spaces, safe. And in essence, that's how Jax keeps herself safe. Keeps the parts of her she considers "unsafe" to expose from seeing the light of day. A single poor interaction permanently altered her path. 
+
+Jax is not only valid, but her actions are understandable. She represents many trans people's struggles with their identities and surviving in an increasingly hostile society. And that's okay. 
+
 [^1]: I was gay at first, which then transitioned to pan (which I generally run as), and it's now kinda fem-leaning pan-lesbian I guess, which, by the way, BI AND PAN LESBIANS EXIST AND ARE VALID. Also labels are kind of a fuck and it's hard reducing a person's entire romantic and sexual preferences into just a few words.     
 
 [^2]: Not gonna misgender myself. Hopefully this extends the idea that I wasn't out or even realized I might be trans at the time.